


You or Your Memory

by SalaciaVerena



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fix-It, Force Bond (Star Wars), Pining, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 03:07:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22008964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SalaciaVerena/pseuds/SalaciaVerena
Summary: After the events on Exegol, Rey feels the hole left by Ben's death.  She reaches out to that place where he used to be, that other end of the rope that tethered them.  Something's still there, if only she could reach far enough..
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 36
Kudos: 135





	1. Farewell

Ben feels the hole rip through him when he sees Rey’s lifeless body on the cold ground after he crawls out from the pit.He begins to throw his body forward, limping with pain and stumbling in his haste to get to her.He can’t lose her, not now, not after all this time when they’re finally so close.Collapsing to the ground, he pulls Rey’s body close to his.He crushes her close to him as his face screws shut in grief. 

Through his pain, he hears her voice somewhere faint.It’s almost beyond hearing but it echoes quietly in the remnants of their bond, which he can feel dissipating.

_Be with me_

It’s a final call, a faint echo of last words from the woman he loves.Ben stills and shifts positions to hold Rey in his lap.Sure of what he has to do, he places his hands behind her head and on her abdomen.Now, he echoes her call, stilling everything within himself to reach out to the force.He searches for her in his mind, reaching out his feelings to probe at the void she left behind so suddenly.He can sense her just beyond his reach. _Be with me,_ he calls out.It’s firm and sure.He knows she’s there, so close to becoming one with the force.He has to bring her back.

He focuses on the little things, the things that haunted him as Kylo Ren, tortured by seeing her through their force bond, the little things that finally added up to be enough to bring him back to the light. _Rey,_ he calls out with his mind, _be with me._

He remembers her voice, soft, full of grief and longing saying she did want to take his hand, _Ben’s hand_ , and he tries to hear her respond, almost believing that by remembering her voice, he can summon it to him.

He remembers her hair, pulled back into such neat order with three quick buns, in such contrast to the wisps that surrounded her face.It had always seemed so perfect for her.For all of her strain to control the force, to be at peace, there was always emotion raging just under the surface struggling to escape.It was part of what they had understood in each other, the tumultuous ocean beneath the surface of their words.He always felt some promise of a future for himself when he saw the way she handled her darkness, like maybe the storm inside of him could power him forward and not just consume him totally.She always brought peace to him with her voice.

How many times had he implored her to take his hand?Each time she had refused, waiting for him to become the man she knew he was.Ben felt a small swell of hopelessness rise in him, but he took a deep breath and refocused on his search.He offered out his hand through his mind. _Rey, take my hand._ He could feel her closer, her presence coming towards him, warm and light. _Rey,_ he repeated, _be with me._ He put as much hope into this thought as he could, his voice almost breaking with the desperation of being so close to her.He took one more calm breath in to steady himself and thought of her, the feeling she gave him, of being whole. _Be with me._

Suddenly, he felt her hand come up to his. _Rey._

She sits up in his arms and place her hands on either side of his face, looking him over with hope in her eyes, hope Ben could scarcely allow himself to accept and believe.

When she exhales his name, it feels like nothing he could’ve ever known, to be seen, to be recognized, to be accepted and believed in.This was the woman he loved.Her eyes search over him and before he can understand what’s happening she’s there on his lips, kissing him.

He swells into the feeling of her, the completed promise of their kiss, the conclusion of years of wanting.Finally, finally, this is where he belongs.

They pull away from each other and the first real smile he’s had in years breaks over his face, dimpling his cheeks.He looks into her eyes as her thumb rubs over his cheek and chin.He loves her.He can feel their connection through the force again, can feel her emotions come back to him as he sends her his. 

He starts to feel the connection fade and he knows what is happening.He knew that this is what it would cost him to bring her back.It was never a choice for him though.There was no point in living as a redeemed man when the woman who made it possible for him to live was gone.Feeling her in his arms, he drinks in one last look at her before falling back and feeling the life fade from him, disappearing into the force. 

Leaving this life by saving hers, being held by her finally, knowing that she could see him as Ben, knowing she could love him - all of this was enough for Ben Solo and he let go, finally at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This is my first fic in a while, but I have so much to write about these two <3 I'll definitely be building up to full Reylo content, but I wanted to take a few chapters to really show how these two come together post-TRoS
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments and I'll get chapters up as quick as I can


	2. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey returns to Ajan Kloss after the victory, her grief in tow

When Rey steps down from the X-wing, she surveys the sight in front of her.Hundreds of rebel forces are rejoicing in their victory of a war they weren’t sure they would win and had barely hoped would ever end.Smiles played on half the faces, tears of joy on the others.Rey could sense their relief and happiness.She wanted to share in it, but her heart hurt.

This victory was hers too.She had finally destroyed the Sith, but at what cost?She had lost her life and then when she thought she could come back, she lost Ben.She knew that peace was on the horizon for the galaxy again, that the force was in balance for the first time in a very long time.But it couldn’t distract her from the empty ache in her chest.She never could’ve predicted that this is how things would turn out, that she would finally get to hold Ben in her arms and then…

BB-8 rushed up to her and she knelt to touch him, cataloguing him to see that he was okay.She ran her fingers down his side and lightly pinched his antenna.He was okay.So were so many other people, people she loved, people who had become her family. 

She pushed through the crowd, ignoring the many hands that reached out to touch her and clap her on the back, and found Finn and Poe.She pulled them into an embrace, head buried in between theirs, holding onto this feeling.She felt the sun beaming down on them, the way that they surrounded her.When she pulled away, Finn grabbed her by the shoulders and said with a smile, “We did it.You did it, Rey.”She smiled back at him.Things were far from okay for her, but for her people? For the galaxy?There was hope and so much goodness in the air.That would have to be enough for now.

\--

As the festivities continued into night, Rey went to her training course.She walked through the trees quietly, taking in the sounds of the jungle at night, her own quiet breath.Finally alone, she allowed the weight of the hole she felt in her to crash down.In the middle of the clearing, she sunk to her knees and buried her face in her hands.Her brows knit together and she held her breath, trying to stay calm, but it was no use.There was an open wound where her force connection to Ben had been.

She let the tears she had been holding deep inside of her come out.She had buried her grief until this moment.When she saw Ben fade into the force from out of her arms, she could hardly believe what was happening.Her face froze, no signs of grief coming to it, half expecting him to come back into view after blinking.It was never a possibility she had considered.She felt their bond loosen and fade suddenly and it shocked her cold.Looking overhead at the Resistance pilots as they took down the destroyers, she felt empty.This was not the feeling she thought she would have with he knowledge of victory.This was hollow.She knew they would come looking for her soon but she couldn’t bear to move, fingers clutched in Ben’s now empty sweater.It still held his warmth in it.She couldn’t bring herself to unclench her hands, holding onto this last piece of the living Ben.When the fighting had quieted down, she finally brought herself to get up and walk to her X-wing.She could barely remember her flight back to Ajan Kloss, lost in a stupor.

Now she was alone in the jungle, trying to bite back tears under the moonlight.She had never known absence like this.She had known loneliness.She had known it intimately for years as a scavenger alone on Jakku.She had dreamed of hope and family and connection her whole life.Rey knew what it was to be alone.Loss of this magnitude, however, she could never have dreamed of.She had never dared to hope that she could have this much to lose.

When her bond with Kylo Ren had first developed, she was angry at being linked with him.She couldn’t understand why it was happening, why the force would choose to put them together this way.But the more time she spent with him, thrust together for minutes or hours by their bond, the more she saw the man inside the mask, the more she saw Ben Solo struggling to come out.She fell in love with him during his vulnerable moments, the moments where he forgot who he was trying to be and instead sat with her as Ben, impossibly small and fragile in that huge frame.She felt his conflict, his longing, and underneath it all she felt his hope, what he believed to be the impossible hope of being redeemed.The electricity that had coursed through her when their fingers touched on Ahch-To had only been the start of a feeling that would grow to become the most important thing to her. 

Seeing him meet her eyes on Exegol, seeing that Ben had finally come to her, felt like a completion of everything she had hoped for from him.She knew him intimately, his feelings sent through her, his thoughts playing out over her mind.Her eyes had filled with hope.He had come for her in her darkest moment.She was not alone.

She didn’t realize how much he was a part of her until she sat there feeling his absence.There had been a steady current running between them, the force constantly assuring them of the other’s presence.Its absence was raw, a wound she couldn’t begin to heal.She shook her head bitterly.How could she heal from this?How could a loss like this one ever come to find balance?She was left as half of a whole and there was no balance in that.She turned her face upwards, arms slumped at her side, and finally let the tears roll down her face, eyes clamped shut and breath ragged.

She stayed like that for a while, letting the waves of grief rack her body, simply sitting with her impossible heartache.

When her breathing finally came back to her, she knew that she couldn’t stay on Ajan Kloss.There was no one who could understand her loss.They couldn’t understand that Ben Solo could be redeemed, how could they understand what it was to love him, to lose him?She needed time to mourn and heal, to figure out what came next.

Heading back to the camp, she took the Skywalker lightsabers and climbed back into her X-wing.She sat behind the controls and looked up at the spill of stars across the sky.Where to go?The heavy presence of life in the jungle, the fresh, verdant air, the constant noise of a place teeming with life felt too harsh in comparison with the death she had just felt, both her own and Ben’s.She wanted silence.She wanted time.She wanted the opposite of all of this around her.She didn’t want to go back to Jakku.There was nothing there for her anymore.She couldn’t imagine that the memories she had of growing up there alone would do anything to help her current state.Picking up Luke’s old lightsaber in her hand, she closed her eyes and felt stillness, listening to the force.

Tatooine, then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey deserves time to grieve - my heart hurts thinking about it
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me, next chap up soon


	3. A New Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finds herself on Tatooine

It’s light out when she lands on Tatooine, and she sets down next to Luke’s old home.It’s been long abandoned, filled with sand and old memories.She can still feel the lingering of the force here.Taking a scrap of metal, she slides down the bank until she reaches the floor of the dwelling.She looks up at the sky and smiles.How far she’s come.Just as quickly as it came, her smile leaves her face.And yet here she was - still a girl alone in the desert.She shook off the feeling and tried to focus on something else.She wasn’t ready to cry again, not yet.

Rey looked around.She could stay here for a while, just until she could clear her thoughts and figure out what came next.Clearing out the old home and making it habitable again would be a welcome distraction.She set to work.

Clearing the sand ended up being much quicker work than she thought, using the force to lift most of it out.She then set to cleaning, moving the furniture back into place, finding long abandoned closets, seeing what was still usable and what had disintegrated over time.After uncovering Luke’s old room, she realized that it would be impossible to sleep there.The pad of the small bed had crumbled away, leaving only half of it behind.Rey spent some time looking through his things.She imagined Luke as a boy playing with the small toy ships she found.After a while, a sense of melancholy set in.She didn’t want to stay in Luke’s old room even if it had been in perfect condition.It belonged to just another person who had cared about her who was gone.Moving on, she went deeper into the dwelling.It was so much bigger than she had originally expected when she saw it from the ground. 

She was happy to find a sealed bedroom further down where everything was preserved, albeit covered in a layer of thin dust.It must’ve been Luke’s aunt and uncle’s.This would do.There were no windows, no natural light, but it meant that time had left this part of the house relatively untouched by sand and sun.Looking at the bed, she began to feel the exhaustion of her work set in.So much had happened since the last time she slept.How long ago had it been?It felt like a lifetime.Suddenly it was all she could do to pull out fresh blankets from a closet and lay them on the bed before collapsing into it. 

The cold night of the Tatooine desert started to set in and she pulled the blankets up around her as she curled up as small as she could make herself. 

She couldn’t help herself.She followed the thread in the force where their connection had been.When she had felt alone in the past, he would always appear to her.Most of the time it was only to try to convince her to join him, to abandon her fight and come to the dark side, but sometimes they would simply sit together.It happened so frequently towards the end that often they would simply share a look, waiting for the moment to pass.Sometimes, on precious few and rare occasions she had spoken to Ben, peeking out from under the mask and the cowl.There were moments where they were thrown together, still groggy from sleep, warm and vulnerable.They had laid on their sides facing each other.There was nothing they could do to end their connection, merely wait it out.She lay there alone with him as his eyes poured over her face. 

“You don’t have to do this,” she would whisper.

Eyes growing hopeful and voice choking, “Join me,” he’d whisper back.

She knew what he meant.He wanted her by his side to rule the galaxy, to share power.She always felt guilty when her heart would leap and she’d wish he meant something else. 

She indulged herself for a moment and imagined what it would’ve been like if she moved through their connection to crawl in with him.Other than the time their fingers had touched on Ahch-To, they didn’t touch each other through the force until he had grabbed her necklace from her on Pasaana.What if she had moved through it though?Where would the limits have been?She imagined lifting up the blankets to make herself small next to him, sharing warmth. 

This was too much.She never should’ve followed this train of thought.It only highlighted how cold it was underground, how alone she was in that bed.Tears started forming in her eyes again.She couldn’t do this to herself, she couldn’t focus on all that might’ve been.It hurt too much.And yet she had no idea how she could move on, forgetting him seemed impossible.Traces of him were everywhere. 

She kept following the trail of their bond, reaching out.The further she moved along it, the thinner it got.She used to be able to follow that bond straight to him.Now it just led to a nebulous nothing.She kept probing the empty spot.It was out of habit more than anything else.It had been something she had done unconsciously so many nights, reaching out to see if he was still there, the connection familiar.Her heart crumbled even more.

How could he have left her?

What was she supposed to do with this hole he had left behind?

She choked back tears until she slipped into a heavy, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter here, building up to it all
> 
> Thanks for all the love - can't wait to get the rest to you


	4. I still -

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey tries a new approach to meditating with her pain

Rey isn’t sure what time it is when she wakes up or how long she slept for.Her whole body aches and she stretches, remembering everything that happened.She figured an all out fight with the most powerful Sith lord to ever exist and dying would leave you sore, but this was beyond expectation.She was tempted to crawl back into bed but she knew seeing the outside would would be an improvement, however small, to her mood.

Thankfully it was still light when she went to the open air of the common area.The suns were directly overhead and the heat was suffocating.Rey took a deep breath.This was something she was used to, this was something she could deal with.She went back to the X-wing and took out the few belongings she had brought with her and stored them in her new home.As she set Luke and Leia’s light sabers down on the table, she realized she couldn’t keep them.They didn’t belong to her and they deserved to be at peace like their owners.No matter how hard she thought about putting them to rest though, she couldn’t bring herself to feel that she could let go of this part of her life yet.She wrapped them back up and placed them in her room. 

Later in the day, Rey decides to meditate.It’s one thing she knows how to do and at this point any familiar routine feels welcome.She levitates above the sand, feeling the force flow through her as the suns begin to sink in the sky.The rays are no longer as harsh and there is some darkness behind her lids when she closes her eyes.She meditates and tries to be at peace with her feelings.It’s a struggle to keep her mind open, to be a passive audience to her thoughts when they keep wandering to her last words before passing on, the words that Ben had called to her to bring her back to him. 

_Be with me._

Se reaches out with her mind.She can’t help but wander to the empty place where Ben used to be.She winces and wonders where she could go in her mind where Ben’s death won’t hurt.She can’t escape these feelings.Letting out a shaky breath she decides that maybe the best way to heal this pain is to go through it and not around it.Maybe she needed to confront this hurt to stand a chance in overcoming it.She settles in and refocuses. 

Her mind wandered the familiar link she had followed thousands of times.It started to hurt more the further along she went.The thinner the bond got, the more it stung with his absence.She got as close to the empty spot as she could without breaking under the ache.She could sit here with this pain for a while.After a moment she decided that instead of shirking his absence, she would remember what was there.Maybe that would hurt less.She would remember what used to be, a mental memorial in the force.

She started at the end.When she had first seen him on Exegol, stripped of any trace of Kylo Ren, her eyes had filled with tears.He had paused from fighting the Knights of Ren and met her eyes.His face was sure and determined.There was something else there too.She quickly realizedit was hope.And repentance.He was so close to her but she pushed their bond open anyway and felt his emotion surge over her.The sharpness of his feelings went straight to her heart and she could hear him-

_I’m so sorry it took me so long._

They locked eyes for a few moments and she felt another surge of power through the force and their bond coming from him.She felt the emotions before she heard his words and they echoed in her mind.This wordless feeling of adoration, of respect and longing poured into her.She could feel him, his motivation, his promise of things to come.It kept pulsing through her.Meeting his eyes, he gives her a slow nod.

Turning back to Palpatine, she knew what she had to do.Feeling Ben’s emotions run through her, coursing in her veins, their bond was more powerful than it had ever been.Reaching her hand behind her back with her lightsaber, she called out to Ben. _Take my hand._

Slowly she felt Ben move through the force, his fingers a hairsbreadth away from hers.His hand comes next to hers on the hilt of the lightsaber and he ran his fingers over her knuckles, such a small movement, so intimate.Rey shivered.

Never breaking eye contact, she showed Palpatine her empty hands.Facing him unarmed for a moment it was as if to say, love and acceptance is stronger than your hate, your lust for power.Palpatine, enraged, summoned his followers to fight her.She willed the lightsaber over to her and she fought against them.Facing different enemies, it felt like her and Ben were fighting together, just like they had in the throne room.She can feel his strength and it reaffirms her belief that they can end the Sith here and now, that there doesn’t have to be a Final Order. 

Just when they think they’ve won, Palpatine draws them together, holding them still with the force.He explains to them in different words what they both already know - that they are two parts of one, together making a whole.Palpatine drained their bond from between them and Rey couldn’t remember ever feeling pain this way.She and Ben share the pain, and although they are feeling it twice, it somehow seems more bearable.Just when she thinks that this is it for them, Ben is tossed away from her and she feels powerless to get up. 

The rest rushes by in her memories.Rey looked up at the sky and at all of the resistance ships drowned in force lightning.The voices of the Jedi brought her to her feet and she used both sabers to deflect Palpatine’s final lightning, his hate, until it tore him apart.She collapsed under the weight of the effort.

She was strong enough to rise and defeat the emperor, but the depletion of her force bond with Ben and the effort of redirecting all of the power of Sith past has drained her.She fell back and began to feel herself fade away.Weakly she reaches out to him through their ragged bond.She wishes he could be with her one last time. _Be with me._

What came next was confusing.She felt safe but nebulous in some other realm.She could hear Ben calling to her, sense his thoughts about her.She senses him thinking of her voice and it echoes around her, but it’s not quite just her voice alone.A feeling comes through with it, not just the voice but the emotional attachment to it.Quickly images flash before her: her head from behind, a quick skim of her hairline, following the stray strands.She’s not sure what this means. 

She hears her words echoed to her. _Be with me._ They’re firm and a ballast in this intangible other world.She can’t make sense of it but she can hear him calling.She follows his voice and tries to find him.He is looking for her warmth but she feels his too and moves towards it.She takes his hand.

Back in the physical realm, her own hand mirrors this, rising up to place it on Ben’s.She rises up in his arms.The hand she touched stays on her hip and the other helped her up to sitting.He cradled her.Rey’s eyes had searched over his face confirming to herself that this was real, he was real.

“Ben,” she breathes out, elated.There’s relief and longing in her voice.

Suddenly she pushes forward to kiss him, hands coming to either side of his face.He was perfect, so perfect.He felt right underneath her.Relief flooded through her to finally kiss him, to be kissed back by the man she loved.He broke away and a smile came up over his face.It made her warm.She had never seen him smile like this.It lit up every inch of him, no part of him untouched, movement breaking over every corner.

And just as suddenly he began to lean back.She didn’t understand.Panic rose in her and she froze.In situations of fight or flight she had always stood her ground.But now, faced with the unthinkable, she couldn’t even move.He started to fade away from underneath her. _No, no, no._ She couldn’t produce visible emotion.A piece of her had just died.She went still, blinking at the empty clothes she held.She had never known pain like this.

Rey came back to reality.She could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks from her closed eyes.She kept expecting him to appear next to her, to hear his voice somewhere else in that chamber, like he had merely moved and not just disappeared.It seemed so unfair that she could only see that smile of his once.But it never came.He never came back.

She sat in silence, allowing herself to feel her grief.Remembering losing Ben opened up a hole in her.But underneath the agony was a small seed of light that felt like being close to him.She thought to herself that she had to water that seed.That would be the only way to heal, to grow.

She let her mind go still and sat with the empty space.

_“Rey, I still-”_

She dropped from the air and came tumbling to the ground.That was _his_ voice.Ben’s voice. She looked around her, shocked and desperate.The suns were low to the ground now.Hearing his voice felt so real.It felt like it came from their bond.

She looked to the horizon and thinks for a moment that she sees his silhouette, tall and out of place, but it vanishes like a mirage in the trembling lines of the first sun as it sinks past the horizon of the desert.

Rey dropped to her knees and let out a wail against the darkening sky.How was this fair?She had tried to heal by thinking of him only to be faced with the pain of illusion and false promise.She was an idiot for allowing herself to hope.

Alone in her bed again, Rey can’t help but be nagged by the feeling. _What if it was real?_ She would do anything to talk to him for even just a moment.Her mind began to race.If remembering Ben at the end could bring a fragment, maybe remembering Ben as a whole could bring more.She felt crazy for wanting to try but she knew she’d be crazier to ignore this hope inside of her.She closed her eyes and determination for what tomorrow would bring came over her.


	5. Don't Be Afraid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey knows what she has to do  
> She thinks back on the first time she met Kylo Ren... and discovered Ben Solo.

Rey spends her days now strengthening her body and her mind.She knew that if she stood a chance at this crazy thing she was trying she would have to be strong.She spent every evening meditating as the suns went down, preparing her mind by clearing it and communing with the force.She doesn’t try to reach for Ben yet, not until she thinks she’s ready.She couldn’t bear another glimpse without fulfillment.

On the ninth day, she’s ready.She walks out into the desert as the suns begin to set and she sits on the ground.Her mind is blank and she moves to be one with the force.

She starts at the beginning this time, the first time she had seen him.He was wearing the mask and she was his prisoner strapped to the interrogation chair.She remembered the fear she felt at the overpowering sight of him and the defiance in her heart when she realized who he was.He probed at her mind and her fear had grown.He spoke so reasonably but she quaked at what she felt growing inside her.She felt something awaking, something she had never felt before.She wouldn’t be able to explain it until much later.

She felt him pushing into her mind.It was so intimate.Feeling this closeness with someone who she knew was evil enraged her and she began to push back, forcing her way into his mind.She was shocked at what she had found there.She had been expecting pure rage, hatred.What she found instead was conflict, sorrow, and strangely enough - hope.Her brows furrowed and she pushed deeper.It was a battle, trying to keep him out but going further into him.The deeper she went, the more she felt the fluttering inside of her grow.

Something strange happened.She felt him.Not just inside of her but she felt her presence in his mind, his feelings somehow coming to her.She gasped.She felt him wavering.

“Don’t be afraid,” he said.“I feel it too.”

She couldn’t deny what was happening.This was the closest she’d ever felt to someone.She felt indignant that this apex of closeness was happening with Kylo Ren.She surged into his mind again, determined to overpower him and end their connection.Her head was thrown back against the stand with the force of what she found there, with what he was hiding.He had already taken off the mask but seeing what he was suppressing made Rey feel like this was the first time she had truly seen him.There, beneath the bravado and the lust for power, was someone just as alone as she was.Someone who wanted to be told it was okay, that he could be good.

Kylo pushed her out of his mind just as he took the information he wanted from hers.

No matter what happened, no matter how bad things got, whenever she looked at him she remembered that feeling.

She remembers always feeling the good in him, how he wanted to be turned.

Underneath it all, he was always Ben Solo.

Hovering over the ground, deep in meditation, Rey is smiling now.She didn’t know it at the time, but that was when she had found him, the other half of her, the piece that would finally bring wholeness to her and the force.

Suddenly something shifts.She feels peace.Balance.She take a deep breath and opens her eyes.

And there, in front of her-

_Ben_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready, here it comes <3


	6. I Feel It Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even from beyond, Ben feels Rey tugging at their threadbare bond

He couldn’t say how long he had been in that space between.The passage of time had been hazy.He could feel something pushing at him the whole time he was there, though.There was some pressure where his thin end of the bond was. 

During his time there, he could feel Rey calling to him.He could see her thoughts in flashes, her feelings towards the end of Exegol.He felt her in his arms again, his lips on hers, the solid weight of her next to him.He could feel Rey.He called to her.

“Rey, I still - I’m still here.Come find-”He feels something snap.It’s sharp and disorienting. Briefly and blindingly he can feel her close to him.He’s with her.There’s another surge and he’s suddenly in a desert.He whips around to get his bearings but as quickly as it had happened, he was back in that other place.

He could feel something now, though - pain.Her pain.Something was happening to their bond.

It was some time later, although he couldn’t say how much, when he heard her voice again.Memories began to flash before him.It’s a scene of the first time they were together. 

He can see himself through her eyes, feel the intimidation and stubborn confidence she throws back in its face.She was afraid but defiant.He had been afraid as well.There was something connecting them.He could feel himself being drawn towards her. 

He tried to crush this fear by facing it head on.He was Kylo Ren.Some scavenger girl couldn’t break through the fortress he had built around himself.It was his own foolhardiness that would lead to his eventual redemption.He allowed her to get close and with one peek inside, she had steadily chipped away at the artifice until only Ben Solo was left. 

He had tried to speak so his words were even and measured.He wanted her for reasons he could not fathom.He had had no problem torturing others, but for some reason he wanted her to like him, to be with him.When she had called him a monster, his heart had dropped and he had taken off the mask, hoping that showing her the man underneath would influence her to listen to him. 

Back in the present, in that world between, he could feel her getting closer.Maybe if they both reached down the bond they could finally touch, finally stretch far enough in both directions that they meet somewhere in the middle. 

He thought back to pushing into her mind.His heart had swelled with the closeness.Something very akin to sharp pain hit him in his chest.He had never felt anything like this before, this unity with someone, this togetherness.He had been alone so long that his breath hitched with the intensity.Something awoke inside of him, something that reached out and wanted to go into her further.Yes, he was searching her mind for information, but his thoughts were also running free in her. 

She was something he had never expected, never known to want.

He felt her thrust into his mind without warning.He was shocked by her power and ability.As soon as they were connected, he felt something new.It was a quiet thrum between them, linking them, drowning out everything else.He could feel her resisting it.

“Don’t be afraid,” he had said.“I feel it too.”

Stubborn, she pushed into him even further.She was rooting around, looking for something.He didn’t even try to push her out.He was so overwhelmed in her own mind.Let her take what she wants. 

But suddenly she’s pushing _there,_ against the things he had pushed down inside of him.He makes one final grasp at the information in her mind before he pushes her out.It was too late.She had seen everything.

When he had seen her over the next few years, he could always feel that beacon in her thoughts.She would send her mind to that place, that place of fear and hope inside of him and she would nudge it.Sometimes just ever so slightly.But she was urging it to come out of hiding, to show its face to Kylo Ren.Rey had always believed in Ben Solo. 

Ben can sense Rey now, every feeling she has connected with this memory is a push up their bond, bringing them closer together. 

He allows his thoughts to drift from the memories she’s sending to something more.Ben thinks about Rey’s presence in the force.He wills himself to be surrounded by it, her warmth, her power.He lets it sink into him.He tries to remember what it felt like to have their presence in the force hum together as one.He remembers what it was like to be with her. 

And then he feels it - a shift in the force, a sense of sureness.A serenity.

Ben can’t believe he’s seeing her.Her face is serene as she floats eye level with him.The force is thrumming through her.He’s out of the space between and miraculously in front of her.He can’t bring his voice to work.

_Rey_

She feels him too.

When she opens her eyes, a faint smile begins to crest over his face.He never thought he’d see her again. 

There were so many things he knew he would never have after he had given his life to save her.It hadn’t mattered at the time.All that mattered was bringing her back.He felt lucky to even get one final moment with her. 

But now, looking at her smiling, tear-stained face, he began to rise with the hope that he could have her for more than a moment after all.


	7. Before Me Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In front of each other at last

Ben watches as recognition sets in on Rey’s features.

A smile breaks out on his own - a true and genuine smile, like the one he had on Exegol.Rey brought it out.He can almost feel himself laughing.Here she was in front of him.His fierce Jedi.She had brought him back despite it all. 

Her legs drop out from where she hovers and she’s standing there in front of him.Her mouth is moving but no sound is coming out.Rey’s eyes are wide as she stares up at him.Her hand reaches out just barely, as though it doesn’t dare to come any closer, as if she couldn’t bear the disappointment if she found out this was a lie. 

“It’s me, Rey.”

Suddenly she is crashing into him.Rey buries her face into his chest.Taken aback, Ben’s hands come up slowly to encircle her.He buries his face in her hair. 

This was where he belonged.

He can barely hear her muffled voice through his clothes.“I was so worried.”It sounds like she’s crying.“I was so worried I was never going to see you again.I just, I couldn’t-” And she started crying in earnest.He can’t tell if she’s laughing with these tears or not, but he feels her grasp onto him tighter as she becomes overwhelmed with emotion.

He’s happy to be here for her like this, happy to be her rock.

As Kylo Ren, he had always had a temper.The smallest things would set him off.No stormtrooper wanted to give Kylo Ren bad news because they feared his outbursts.His rage had consumed him.The slightest offense or inconvenience pushed him over the edge.

Not with Rey though.All she did was seethe at him, accuse him, and rage against him.Yet with her, he could always remain calm.He could never focus any rage towards her.Part of it was that she calmed parts of him that stormed within him.It was also that he made him bigger than himself.He wanted to be someone for her, never wanted to be the reason that she turned away.He knew that their relationship was forced, much in part to the bond, but he didn’t want to take it for granted.No matter how Rey had unleashed her anger at him, he always met her with calm. 

Now, here in the desert, she deserved the same thing.She could let all of her emotions out to meet him.She didn’t have to be strong for him under these setting twin suns.He could simply hold her, marveling at how it felt to hold her in his arms without the feeling of a time limit. 

The first and only other time he had held her, he knew it was only for a moment before he faded away.Now, feeling her close against him, warm and real, he felt an electric buoyancy at knowing there was no time limit. 

Rey peeled her tear-stained face back from his chest and looked up at him, eyes wide.She let out a small choked breath and then smiled.He could feel her relief through their bond.It was total and all-consuming.They were finally together.

He wasn’t sure how he had come back.But there would be time to figure that out.They had all the time in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! This chapter's shorter but I wanted to check in on something-
> 
> So I originally tagged this as "slow burn" but now that I have them so close I kind of just want them to be together more quickly.
> 
> What do you think?
> 
> If you want slow burn still, I can give the people what they want! Otherwise, Ben and Rey might get together more quickly.
> 
> Thanks for the feedback! <3


	8. Still Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunited at last

She could hardly believe that he was there before her.She crashed into him.He was solid and warm - _alive._ Burying her face into his shirt, she began to cry.She was awash with emotions and couldn’t begin to tease them out from one another, relief, joy, exhaustion.Ben, her Ben, had reached down the bond to find her.They were finally together.After all this time, all the struggle to convert each of them to the other side, the heartache and the longing, they could simply hold each other in the soft light of the setting suns on Tatooine. 

She was no longer a girl alone in the desert.She had known deep in her heart that it couldn’t be the end of her story.Now she was a girl reunited with the man she loved.Ben Solo and Rey had found one another and nothing would tear them apart now. 

She pulled away from him and looked up at his face.It was soft and gentle, an attitude she had rarely seen from him.It warmed her to see him like this.

He took her face in his hands and let loose a smile.This smile was for her and her alone. 

Slowly, slowly he came down to meet her.Ben’s eyes searched over her face, cataloguing every freckle, every intricate detail.His breath caught and he paused, pulling away slightly as if he couldn’t believe he was allowed to be this close again. 

Rey couldn’t bring herself to move.She just watched him, mouth parted, in awe and anticipation as she let him come to her.She didn’t know what it had been like where he was after he had given his life for her on Exegol, but she was willing to let him come to her.He had come for her on Exegol, come for her in the desert on Tatooine when he somehow repaired their bond.He would come now to her in the last licks of sunlight.

Ben’s lips came close to hers.He was bent towards her, his body pressed close as he leaned down, covering her.

Rey could feel his breath ghosting across her lips.His breath hitched and he crossed the final distance.At first neither of them could move, simply leaning into each other.And suddenly where there was stillness, there was movement.

His lips moved across hers and it set her on fire.Her hand came up to knot in his hair, the hair she had dreamt of touching for years.Her other hand pressed against the firm expanse of his chest, feeling his heart race against her. 

Ben’s hand tightened around hers.He was simply letting her know he was there.He knew that she couldn’t bear to let him disappear, needed the physical reassurance that he was truly there next to her. 

When they broke apart, Rey gasped for air.She had never believed she could be allowed something like this, held warmly between Ben and sunlight.A smile broke out all over her face.

“Ben?” She wasn’t sure what she was asking him.

“Yes, I’m still here.”It was partly a laugh the way it came out of him, but Ben knew what she was looking for before she even did.Ben Solo knew her better than any one in the galaxy.

The possibilities swirled before her.Where could they even start.

Ghosting her fingers over his jawline she asked him, “Where do we go now?”

Ben caught her fingers and pulled them close to his mouth and kissed them.He sighed, “I don’t know.You certainly can’t return to the resistance.Not with me in tow, anyway.But the rest of the galaxy is open to us Rey.We can go anywhere.”

The unspoken “together” hung in the air after his sentence.The universe was open to them.But right now there was only one place she wanted Ben Solo - as close to her as possible.

Wordlessly, she led him into the old Skywalker home. 


	9. At Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming together at last (ha)

Her presence in the force was overwhelming.As she led him to the entrance of the Skywalker home, the last of the two suns dipped beneath the horizon and the indigo of the dusk sky lit up the back of her neck and her freckles came out in stark contrast to the ethereal blue the sky had turned her skin.He ducked to make his way through the entrance, much too tall for this space.

The glow inside the dwelling was warm and it comforted him.He had spent so much time in sterile First Order quarters that he had almost forgotten how inviting a living space could be.He smiled as Rey continued to lead him forward.She was his home.He felt the warmth and safety of her spirit next to his.He had only ever belonged to this scavenger girl. 

Rey continued to march him forward.She was slow and easy, but persistent - her destination firmly in mind.When they reached the bedroom, Rey finally stopped and turned to face him.

“Ben, I -”she stuttered, unable to produce the next words.He bent down and caressed her face.

“I know,” he replied.He took a small tendril of hair and tucked it behind her ear.He came down impossibly slowly, closer and closer to her.The first kiss was on her brow near her hairline.She exhaled at the touch.Ben ran his hands down her arms until he let go to hold her waist.His mouth found its way over her lips her slowly and her breath caught before kissing him back in the same measured way.The first time they kissed had been full of elation and desperation at finally being united.Kissing moments ago on the surface of the planet had been a shock.This kiss was something else entirely.Every movement was filled with meaning, pleasure coursing through him at every sensation.This was a kiss with a destination. 

His stomach dropped at the thought and then pooled somewhere lower and warmer within him. 

One of Rey’s hands had come up behind his neck and pulled him closer.She deepened the kiss and he felt her tongue brush across his lips.He parted his mouth and rocked into her with the sensation.She gasped and then continued moving against him.Ben’s mind was blank, a canvas for Rey’s body to make its marks.Every touch felt seared into him, something precious he could never forget, never recover from. 

She pulled him towards her as she backed up before sitting down on the bed.She looked up at him expectantly, unsure even.He pushed her back softly and covered her small body with his own. He could feel her writhe underneath him now.He felt nearing the edge of his control as she ground her hips up into him.He moved away from her mouth and began to kiss his way down the trail of her neck, stopping to lick the dip above her collarbone.She groaned and pulsed up into him again.

She lifted up the hem of his shirt and she ran her fingers over his torso.He sat up momentarily and tugged it off of him.Looking down at her, Ben pulled Rey up to sit as well.He gently began to unravel her shirt.His hands were sure and steady as he worked Rey into a nakedness to mirror his own.When he was done, she took him by surprise and she slipped her hands into her trousers and quickly shed her remaining garments.

His breath stopped in his throat when he viewed her entirely stripped bare.It was all he could do to move, to find his way back to her body, but she moved him gently with her hands.He cupped her breast and she gasped when he ran his finger over her nipple.She arched into him and he pushed their mouths together once more. 

She hooked her fingers into the waistband of his pants and began to pull them down.He obliged her.She was so determined and single minded and he felt the love rise up in his chest.He had so many things he wanted to say to her, wanted to do for her, but in this moment he was content to simply let her guide him.

He shivered at the sensation of their bodies coming together without impediment for the first time.His hard length moved against her thighs, coming close to her entrance.

“Ben, please,” she pleaded, moving her hand to take his and place it at her entrance.He could feel how wet she was.Her eyes met his and he could see the longing there, pupils blown wide with desire. 

His voice caught in his throat, “Yes, yes,” but he couldn’t bring himself to make any more sense.She took him in hand and guided him to her dripping wet opening.Ben took a deep breath and sank in inch by inch.Rey’s head threw back and she let out a moan.

“Am I hurting you?” he asked, stopping suddenly, terrified to do anything that was anything less but wonderful for this woman.She responded by rolling her hips and taking him deeper.Ben’s vision went white. 

They began to move slowly and Ben felt the world was falling away.Let the galaxy burn, all he wanted was the fire behind Rey’s eyes.

Tentatively, he began to open their bond.He stopped short clutching her.He could feel himself inside of her, both his own sensation of being taken in and her own feeling of fullness.Rey cried out and he could sense through the bond that she was feeling the same thing.He tried moving again, slowly.The double sensation of pleasure was almost too much to bear.

“Rey,” Ben gasped, “I don’t think I can-”

“Don’t stop,” she panted.And he could feel her on the precipice of something larger.He rocked into her again and she moved closer to that edge.Suddenly he felt her come apart beneath him.

The sensation of her pulsing around him, the feeling of her orgasm coursing through their bond was too much and he found his own release almost instantly after.They rode out the final moments of their pleasure together, completely joined in body and through the force.

Rey began planting gentle kisses on Ben’s face until he came down. 

She took his face between her hands and started to giggle.The sound surprised him, but it was one of pure delight, unburdened with any heaviness.After what she had been through the past few days, even the past few years, the sound of it was everything he hadn’t known he wanted to hear from her.

Her eyes moved over his face and he found a grin of his own spreading.

“What now, Ben Solo?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Please let me know what you think!
> 
> I am happy to end this fic here or I have some other things adventures I can send them on. Your feedback means everything to me!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading <3


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